Last night we had a fantastic fiesta!The waiters at Tequila’s put a sombrero on Nikki and sang her Happy Birthday in Spanish, at least I think it was Happy Birthday. One of them smeared cool whip on her face. It was a grand time. I had a victory thanks to a comment from Andie on yesterdays post. I made a wall comprised of a napkin holder, salt and pepper, and my glass of water, between myself and the chips. I was extra tempted by this as well:The large cheese dip. A quite quizzical quantity of queso. In my weakest moment I did pick up a chip, put it in my mouth, but then quickly put it down with only a tiny bite taken. Here was my meal for the night:The vegetarian chimicanga. I probably could have made a better choice, but I forgot my lunch earlier in the day and all I had had all day was cheerios and almonds. Isn’t it funny how we bargain with ourselves? The chimichanga was filled with peppers, onions, mushrooms (I ate something with mushrooms!), zucchini and squash. I really enjoyed this meal. My brother, Brandon, was sitting next to me and he also ordered a vegetarian meal. He and his wife shared a bean burrito, cheese enchilada and cheese quesadilla. He, if you recall, is a semi-vegetarian that doesn’t like “bugs”. We tried to bet him to eat some of my mom’s vegetable fajitas, but as he forked it up he said he got nauseous and hurriedly put them down.
Last night I had a weird dream. I was sitting in a place that looks a lot like a local burger joint named Christy’s. I was sitting at a table for four with two other large gentlemen who I didn’t recognize. We were all eating double cheeseburgers. There was a large group sitting at the table in front of us that my table seems to be familiar with. It felt like a lunch break during a youth trip or something-like we were all the same group but separated. A blonde girl walks up with a side ponytail and a letterman jacket. She sees that there are no seats at the large group table. One of the guys over there snickers and says “there’s a seat open over there” and points to our table. I get excited until I see her face. She is disgusted and horrified. I drop my cheeseburger and say “Just take the chair”, holding back a tear. She takes it and sits at the other table with a laugh.
When I woke up this morning I tried to figure out what this dream meant. Do I have some latent high school hurt feelings that I have never dealt with? No, I don’t think so. Am I somehow weary of girls with side ponytails and letterman jackets? No, I don’t think they exist in this decade. I think that I subconsciously feel that my food decisions separate me from my peers. Why were the people at my table fat and the people at the other table skinny? I think I believe that I am not a part of popular culture because my body is unhealthy. This is seemingly ludicrous because there seem to be more overweight people around than there are skinny. But, don’t we all feel this way? Don’t we all feel like outcasts because we are overweight? It shouldn’t really be that way. I am an advocate for a healthy outlook. That is what I am seeking myself. But, having a healthy outlook doesn’t mean we are going to be super skinny in two months. It doesn’t mean we need to participate in crash diets and only eat cottage cheese and celery four times a day. Just try to make healthier decisions! When you see chips and dip, try to eat carrots and dip instead. When there a chips on the table-build a wall (thanks Andie!). You may lose weight in the process, but it will be gradual. I have been doing this for almost three months and I have only lost about 20 pounds. You have the right to be proud that you ate just a burger instead of your normal burger and fries. You are awesome, keep working hard.
And if you need someone to talk to, there is an extra seat at my table.