Still at the Wrong Table

Last night we had a fantastic fiesta!The waiters at Tequila’s put a sombrero on Nikki and sang her Happy Birthday in Spanish, at least I think it was Happy Birthday. One of them smeared cool whip on her face. It was a grand time. I had a victory thanks to a comment from Andie on yesterdays post. I made a wall comprised of a napkin holder, salt and pepper, and my glass of water,  between myself and the chips. I was extra tempted by this as well:The large cheese dip. A quite quizzical quantity of queso. In my weakest moment I did pick up a chip, put it in my mouth, but then quickly put it down with only a tiny bite taken. Here was my meal for the night:The vegetarian chimicanga. I probably could have made a better choice, but I forgot my lunch earlier in the day and all I had had all day was cheerios and almonds. Isn’t it funny how we bargain with ourselves? The chimichanga was filled with peppers, onions, mushrooms (I ate something with mushrooms!), zucchini and squash. I really enjoyed this meal. My brother, Brandon, was sitting next to me and he also ordered a vegetarian meal. He and his wife shared a bean burrito, cheese enchilada and cheese quesadilla. He, if you recall, is a semi-vegetarian that doesn’t like “bugs”. We tried to bet him to eat some of my mom’s vegetable fajitas, but as he forked it up he said he got nauseous and hurriedly put them down.

Last night I had a weird dream. I was sitting in a place that looks a lot like a local burger joint named Christy’s. I was sitting at a table for four with two other large gentlemen who I didn’t recognize. We were all eating double cheeseburgers. There was a large group sitting at the table in front of us that my table seems to be familiar with. It felt like a lunch break during a youth trip or something-like we were all the same group but separated. A blonde girl walks up with a side ponytail and a letterman jacket. She sees that there are no seats at the large group table. One of the guys over there snickers and says “there’s a seat open over there” and points to our table. I get excited until I see her face. She is disgusted and horrified. I drop my cheeseburger and say “Just take the chair”, holding back a tear. She takes it and sits at the other table with a laugh.

When I woke up this morning I tried to figure out what this dream meant. Do I have some latent high school hurt feelings that I have never dealt with? No, I don’t think so. Am I somehow weary of girls with side ponytails and letterman jackets? No, I don’t think they exist in this decade. I think that I subconsciously feel that my food decisions separate me from my peers. Why were the people at my table fat and the people at the other table skinny? I think I believe that I am not a part of popular culture because my body is unhealthy. This is seemingly ludicrous because there seem to be more overweight people around than there are skinny. But, don’t we all feel this way? Don’t we all feel like outcasts because we are overweight? It shouldn’t really be that way. I am an advocate for a healthy outlook. That is what I am seeking myself. But, having a healthy outlook doesn’t mean we are going to be super skinny in two months. It doesn’t mean we need to participate in crash diets and only eat cottage cheese and celery four times a day. Just try to make healthier decisions! When you see chips and dip, try to eat carrots and dip instead. When there a chips on the table-build a wall (thanks Andie!). You may lose weight in the process, but it will be gradual. I have been doing this for almost three months and I have only lost about 20 pounds. You have the right to be proud that you ate just a burger instead of your normal burger and fries. You are awesome, keep working hard.

And if you need someone to talk to, there is an extra seat at my table.



12 responses

  1. Glad the chip-wall helped – it seems silly, but simply not having to LOOK at them makes it easier for me not to have them. I’ve also made my husband change seats with me at restaurants so I would not have to sit facing the dessert tray or case.

    Another nice Mexican food trick is to ask if the restaurant has pickled carrots (escabeche). They are, as the name suggests, thin slices of carrots that have been pickled, usually with a pretty heavy dose of jalepeno peppers. You get to eat a little something while others are eating chips, but the spice slows you down and the carrots are, well, CARROTS and not chips.

  2. I know how hard it is, Evan. I’m in the same boat. I weighed myself this morning, and I’m the lowest I’ve been since I started losing weight. But I still felt depressed because I feel like I have so far to go. Thank you for the reminder that it’s a journey, and that I will make it, as long as I keep moving forward. Even if it’s slowly, it’s still forward motion and that’s what will ultimately get it done.

    Those darn chips at the restaurant are evil! I’m very impressed and proud of your willpower. I have not yet been able to do that.

    • Thank you Chloe. That is what I had hoped I was conveying with this post. It is such a long journey and sometimes you just want to take the next exit and gorge at a truck stop. But, you’ll get to your destination quicker if you don’t stop. I am so proud of you and your weight loss. You’re awesome! Keep it up!

  3. I also wanted to comment that I think we separate ourselves a lot because of our weight. I very much see myself as “the fat chick”. Even when with friends who I know love me for who I am. I feel like I have to justify every bite I take and that everyone is judging my willpower and choices.

    But you know what? They aren’t. And if they are, they have far too much time on their hands. That mental block of feeling like I am less than them is all on me. I allow myself to feel lower than them, and it’s purely a mental thing. I know, rationally, that I am a good person. I generally like myself. But my weight makes me feel alternately, invisible, and way, way too visible. The mental aspects of weight loss are harder to overcome than the physical ones.

  4. I will sit at your table any time — because you are a great person — inside and out. Some folks are so superficial, but, you know what? That’s their problem. They have no idea what they are missing by staying at the skinny table. Take it from someone who has been battling this all their life, it is, indeed, a journey; and any progress is progress. Someone once said to me, a year from now is a year from now. You can stay the same, which rarely happens, you can gain ____ pounds, or your can lose ____ pounds (insert whatever amount you wish in the blanks). No matter what, it will still be a year from now–so celebrate your progress.

  5. For those of us who have battled weight issues all our lives, we know that it didn’t take just a few months to gain all the weight so we won’t lose it all in a few months. That’s why we should never talk about going on diets. That implies there is an ending point. We lose so many pounds and then it is over. Rather we should try to make lifestyle changes just as you said . . . . simply work on being healthy and making good choices about 90% of the time in regard to what we eat and how we exercise. If we do that, the weight will take care of itself.

    I identify so much with what Chloe said about having to justify every bite. When you are overweight you don’t want anyone to see you eat anything even if what you are eating is at mealtime and not necessarily bad for you. That’s because some people feel the need to comment on everything an overweight person eats. Things like that stay with you for a very long time and, again as Chloe said, make the mental issues of being overweight much more difficult to overcome. Ask anyone who has lost weight. . . . . . .that overweight person is still the image he/she sees in the mirror (and in his/her mind) for a long, long time.

    So we should all give each other a break and try to see each other as God sees us . . . . .each one of us a beautiful creation of the Master artist. Wouldn’t it be boring if all the paintings in the world were identical.

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